Help Is A Dirty Word || Young Professional Series

I got my “start” with a local trainer. They opened up some new opportunities for me, taught me a little of what this industry can look like, pushed my limits, helped me learn some things about myself, taught me a lot about what not to do, and instilled in me to just “work it out.”

This is an important lesson for anyone, but especially for young professionals in the horse industry. You will be forced to work it out in many circumstances. It’s good to know that you have that conqueror deep down. It’s a valuable tool.

It’s another thing entirely to think you have to do it alone, without help, to get anywhere.

I’m grateful for my start. It was eye opening in lots of ways but in many others, it was crippling. Help wasn’t given when asked, if anything, it was almost shunned. After a few years of this mindset and introduction into the backside of this sport- I wholeheartedly believed this is how it is from here on out. In order to get the respect needed in this industry, to forge your way anywhere in it, you just work it out and you certainly never ask for help.

Fast forward a few years, a college degree, and a few passport stamps; I found myself in Wellington. As for anyone experiencing their first winter in Florida, it is eye opening and you marvel at just about every single thing you come across. I felt completely out of my league, exposed, a fraud trying to hide that she was still the crazy horse girl (not some polished professional who belonged to be among these champions.)

My roots told me one thing…DO.NOT. ASK. FOR. HELP.

Lesson #1 as a young professional:

Find someone you trust and just f#%king ask for help if you need it.

No one wants to hold your hand. Those days should be LONG behind you…but asking for help and a sense of curiosity are OKAY!!!!!!

This industry can only grow if the fire to keep learning about it grows, too. If you have questions, if you’re curious—ask.

You were hired to do a job. Do your job exceedingly well…but if you have questions along the way, ask! Learn more while you’re doing it.

A little over a month into my stay in Florida, I had found my footing, made amazing new friends, and created a new norm for myself. We were having a team discussion about the upcoming week, covering all the nitty gritty details it takes to keep a successful team charging towards the tri-colors.

We had a few things up for discussion. I always observed quietly during these chats, listened acutely and made lots of mental notes. Looking back, I believe I probably came across quite distant.

I rarely made suggestions. I honestly believed no one wanted my help either. This is the lens in which I had grown to observe my passion and this industry. Do not ask for help, do not offer your opinion. I just needed to work it out and they would do the same.

“What do you think we should do, Kiana?”

My boss called me out in the middle of our team meeting.

Not in a callous, put-me-on-the- spot kind of way. Just a very casual, you’re part of this team, too, kind of way.

It was like getting struck by lightning.

I felt my cheeks burn hot.

What could I possibly have to offer that could be helpful?

What if I make a suggestion that is completely useless?

I did have ideas…but they might need some tweaking, which means I may need to ask for help. So, I can’t possibly suggest that idea because then I’ll be forced to show that I need help. If I need help, I don’t deserve to be here.

THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

If you ever catch yourself in this shit storm thought process, excuse yourself immediately. Laugh it off, don’t take yourself so seriously, and then get straight to the point.

What is it that you have to say?

What is it that you need help with?

JUST ASK.

So, I did.

There was no epiphany. No applause. It was a simple moment. There one second and gone the next. I didn’t lose my job over it. If anything, it opened up the opportunity to later be bold enough to ask for a riding lesson—which my boss happily agreed to. Speaking my mind and asking for help did not lock me out, it opened doors.

We are young professionals, we are human, and we still have a lot to learn.

Asking for help, does not make you needy. Asking for help does not make you weak. Asking for help does not make you ignorant.

Asking for help heightens your self-awareness, enhances your state of curiosity, and makes you more educated. Asking for help sheds light on your professionalism because you’re aware enough to acknowledge how other's experience and abilities can enhance your own. Learn from it and that is what will define you as a young professional.

Afterall,

“Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do…

It’s what you learn after you know it all, that counts," -John Wooden.

So, make it count.