The Sport of Shame

The horse you get off of is not the same horse you got on. It’s your job as a rider to ensure that as often as possible, the change is for the better.

Now this might be misspeaking for the horse community, but I sure hope no one ever saddles up and gets on thinking, “I hope I wreck this ride.” I believe the core of this sport is built off a shared passion for this animal and wanting to do better by it, but here is the truth…

Everyone has wrecked a ride.

If you’ve been in the sport long enough, you’ve wrecked dozens of rides.

A recent article published by Noelle Floyd from an interview with Karl Cook had me thinking a lot about motivators in this sport. If you haven’t read the article, you absolutely should!

https://www.noellefloyd.com/blogs/sport/karl-cook-relives-a-rider-s-worst-nightmare

Spoiler alert, Cook’s answer was shame. His brutal honesty and perspective hit home for me. Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary defines shames as: a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety.

How many times in my lifetime have I allowed the fear of messing it up for my horse or my reputation become a motivator?

Lots. Real truth…probably almost every single time I’ve swung that leg over. Now this is where I’ve really been hung up on the word. Does shame serve me and my horse or does it hinder us?

That question is a matter of choice. Let me demonstrate how:

As a young professional in this sport, I talk to shame daily. It doesn’t sound like a pretty word but I’ve decided I can’t hide from it, nor do I want to, so instead I embrace it. Even bad things, if looked through a grateful lens can elevate you. Realizing I’m in for a lifetime of learning in this sport, shame of what I don’t know can keep me forever in one spot. Shame to ask questions for fear that I’ll look inadequate, will not allow shame to serve me, my horse, or clients. The shame from comparing myself to others, lack of experience, knowledge or money, gives shame permission to tell me to “sit down and shut up.”

I’ve let the shame of all these things stifle my own leadership in moments, but as much as shame reminds me of “what can go wrong” and “where my lack of _______ could be detrimental or embarrassing,” shame pushes me to be better.

So, so, much better.

We take riding lessons to expose the holes in our riding, so essentially, we pay someone to point out our shortcomings. We go to horse shows to compete against others. We go to clinics to get another set of eyes on our ride. Basically, we pay someone to introduce shame.

Trainer: “Quit pulling to your distance!”

Shame: “Hey there.”

Judge: “6th out of 6 horses”

Shame: “You should probably do better.”

Clinician: “More inside leg!”

Shame: “Are you ever going to get good at this?”

Shame, if you choose, can be the prick in your side or it can be loudest whisper of motivation to walk this planet. Every time it pipes up, I have to remind myself that I’m learning and so is LITERALLY everyone else. Some may be lightyears ahead of me, and I lightyears ahead of others, but each and every one of us is trying and progressing if we open our minds to it.

Horses are constant and everchanging. They are as shame, moving with us, asking us to show up, and every once in a while, tossing us in the dirt to remind us life isn’t always cloud nine and roses.

So, does shame motivate you or keep you quiet in the back of the class sitting on your hands?

Shame and I are old friends. She is just my inner soul coach, asking me to rise up to the occasion, bantering, challenging, sharpening my edge so that together we can offer our absolute best. Only true friends shoot it to you straight, even when the truth isn’t easy.

But everyone knows this sport isn’t easy, just worth it.